Snow White Doesn't Live Here Anymore

Laughter, Pleasure, Malice, and the Pursuit of Adult Fun

by Regina Barreca, Ph.D.

Dear Student: Don't Ask Me This

Do students realize they're asking for permission to fail?

Published on February 2, 2012 by Gina Barreca, Ph.D. in Snow White Doesn't Live Here Anymore

Dear Student:

Don't get me wrong: I want to know if you got a concussion playing lacrosse. I want to know if your father was just in a car accident. I want to know if you're bleeding out. I respect you and I insist on being treated with respect: As adults, we need to be candid, straightforward, and polite.

If there's something serious affecting your ability to complete your work for my course, we need to talk about it and we'll deal with it.

But here's what I don't want to know: that you are "thinking about leaving class early" because you have an exam for another class tomorrow. That's not okay.

Did you think I might say that was a good idea? Are you, and I ask this politely (see above) insane? Why would I compromise my class for another class-and why would you?

Why would you consider it to be appropriate to tell me such a thing? Who encouraged you to "share"? Not me.

Please don't ask for permission to screw up. If you are going to screw up, just do it.

If you are sick, then stay in your dorm and throw up in a bucket. That's what people do. Don't send your professors an email saying "I have the flu, causing me to vomit sporadically, but if you believe what I will miss in class is important, then I will attend." How the hell are we supposed to respond? "Johnny, you just bring that bucket with you and get your butt to class" or "Poor little lamb! Of course you must stay home and I'll give you my notes and get additional notes from other students in the class so that you won't have missed a thing. Please call to make an hour-long appointment so I can repeat the entire lecture. Also, be sure to remind me, when the final exam rolls around, not to ask any questions based on the material you might have missed."

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Please, dear student, resist the urge to tell me that you might be late to class because your fraternity or sorority has a "really, really big meeting." That is so entirely none of my business, I cannot even begin to explain to you how bizarre it seems that you should think I'd answer with anything but "???"

The only acceptable reasons for skipping class are listed above (major head injury, parent accident, bleeding out). The others-boyfriend needs a ride to work, foosball tournie, roommate is wistful-hold no interest for me. Your honesty makes me respect you far less than you think it does.

Make a decision. Take responsibility for your actions. If you're going to make a mistake, own up and don't ask for approval.

Sincerely,

Your Professor

--crossposted with the chronicle of higher education

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Tags: accepting responsibility for your actions, adults, appointment, approval, butt, car accident, class, college, concussion, dorm, email, failure, flu, fraternities, fraternity, hell, nbsp, none of my business, permission, professors, school, skipping classes, sorority, teachers and students, urge, what not to ask your teacher

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Gina Barreca, Ph.D., is Professor of English at UConn, and author of It's Not That I'm Bitter: How I Learned to Stop Worrying About Visible Panty Lines and Conquered the World.

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